A reply to my singles ad

I posted my profile on RSVP.com.au a few days ago and finally got an email from someone. In my profile I said the person 'mustn't mind a bit of wind' and in the email the person asked what that meant. I've emailed him back and said I have chronic flatulence. The person probably wont reply and will think I'm a prankster. I'll have to develop a site called 'Windy Gale Singles' where people with my condition can meet other singles.

Romance and flatulence

Its time again for another meeting tonight at the Montrose town hall. Tonight I think I'll make one of the topics 'romance and flatulence' and talk about how people with a flatulence condition can meet the partner of there dreams. I think one of the most necessary things is to tell a potential partner as soon as possible about your condition. It is better to find out sooner rather than later that your potential partner cannot handle your condition. Another tip is to go on a date to a restaurant with loudish music so that it can mask any fart sounds. A movie is a no no as murphies law is that you will let one off during a silent part of the film and everyone in the cinema will hear causing your potential partner embarrassment.

Good Meal

I had a good weekend and caught up with friends and wasn't given red bean chilli con carne like last weekend. We went to a restaurant and was able to choose the meal. Thankfully I had no gassy episodes at the restaurant so I was grateful.

I have put my profile on RSVP.com.au but havent had any interest yet. Most of the pictures on RSVP.com.au have woman with a sultry look on there face while my photo looks more like a passport photo. I will have to play around with photoshop and make myself look like Cameron Diaz or a young Bianca Jagger.

Centrovert

I spent a bit of time writing my profile on rsvp.com.au. I looked at a few ladies profiles and most are 'outgoing', 'fun loving', 'extroverted'. I'm neither introverted or extroverted so I'll have to make my own word. Perhaps centroverted? My profile could become 'centrogoing', 'centroverted'. I think describing my condition I might use 'Wind loving' as it sounds better than 'Fart Friendly'. I am wondering what sort of people would ring me up if any? Hopefully I find someone nice and as Borat would say 'have sexy time'.

Getting a date

Its been a while since I've had a date mainly because of my condition which has made me less confident romantically. I was thinking of putting my profile on RSVP.com.au and see how it goes. I'll have to atleast hint at my condition in my profile as any potential suitor could get a surprise if I dont tell them. Many obese women on dating websites use the term 'cuddly' so I might have to do something similiar. Maybe I'll use the phrase 'I am looking for a person who doesn't mind gas.'. About 6 years ago when we first put AAF on the web there was a lot of american guys who sent emails about their fart fetishes. Maybe if get desperate I could go through those old emails and see if any of them are still interested :).

Rain Today

Today was one of the first days in a few weeks that its been raining in Melbourne. I felt like saying 'whats this liquid pouring from the sky?'. I'll have to get out my digital camera and film the rare event. I am working right now at the Montrose tennis clube and usually if its raining people don't play. They are today. Probably because of the novelty.

Last nights meeting

Last night we had our meeting at the Montrose town hall. We talked for a short while about the core values of Australians Against Flatuphobia but moved onto another topics. A new person came to our meeting last night. Unfortunately new people often come for a laugh and don't take the organisation seriously. I think the new guy was one of those. During the meeting there was a smirk on his face and actually burst out laughing when Julian discussed her progress with her battle with chronic flatulence. Hopefully he's just a one timer and we wont see him next week. Otherwise we might have to mention a $100 joining fee even though there is no joining fee :)

Australians Against Flatuphobia Roots

Another meeting tomorrow at the Montrose town hall so I am again thinking of the things we will discuss at the meeting. I sometimes feel our organisation is losing site of its original aim which is to stop flatuphobia. Our aim has always been to reduce the stigma of flatulence so that people such as myself are able to work in any environment without being ridiculed. We have been trying to acheive this goal by letting people know about the suffering caused by flatuphobia. Examples are of people such as Julian and Kate, both of whom have had there lives turned upside down after contracting chronic flatulence. It is our hope that one day all flatuphobic people will see the error of there ways and will let flatulence sufferers to lead normal lives.

Chilli Con Carne Capers

I visited some friends last night for dinner. I told my friends that some foods, especially beans can give me a lot of trouble in the gas department but unfortunately they must have forgotten and they had made some red bean chilli concarne. My face went red and I tried dropping some hints like 'Gee, I'm really going to pay for this tonight.' My friends didn't take the hint and given the amount of trouble one of my friends went to in preparing the chilli I couldn't bring myself not to eat it. When I got home and went to bed I paid dearly for my courtesy and must have farted half the night. I'm glad Ive got smoke alarms otherwise if spark had of gone of my house would have gone up in flames.

Gas the landlord

Yesterday my landlord knocked on my door to ask for his TV back that I wasnt using. When I came back with the TV he was inside my place looking round. He is getting a bit familiar so I think I'll have to move soon. If he gets too familar I'll have to start walking into his place when Im just about to have a flatulent episode and stink his place out. He lives next door and this hasnt been a problem until recently. Rents are getting higher so I think he doesnt care if he gets a new higher paying, gas free tenant.

Flatuent Episode

With my problem of chronic flatulence I suddenly get a burst of flatulence that can last up to a minute. This can happen a couple of times a day so it is a major source of anxiety when I am in a public place as I never know when an episode will hit. It is difficult to avoid public places as I need to buy food from a supermarket, go to the bank and go to the post office like everyone else. Today was not good as I went to the post office and was struck with an episode. The post office had a lot of old people and they all turned up there nose in disgust and walked out when my episode began. I think what annoyed them most was the smell as it was fouler than usual. But old people are better than young teenage males who tend to be the cruelest and thankfully there were none in the post office so thank god for small mercies :)

North Korea

A thing that is worrying me is North Korea. I have always thought that North Korean acted like a naughty school child wanting attention but recently it is more like a unhinged bully who has a unrealistic view of his own strength. Three scenarios that could unfold in North Korea are:

1. North Korea lashes out and there is a full scale war
2. North Korea goes back into its shell and things stay as they are
3. North Koreans overthrow Kim and continue with the communist state or they become a democracy.

Ive always thought number 2. was the most likely scenario but I think number 1. becoming more likely.

Meeting

Yesterday we had our weekly meeting at the Montrose town hall. There was about 10 of us this week. We talked about the large number of flatulent videos on youtube and google video and discussed whether this was a good or bad thing. On one hand it promotes the mockery of people afflicted with chronic flatulence but we believe it is better that people are amused by flatulence as opposed to being offended by it.

We also talked about Julians terrible flatulence problem and how recently she is improving. She says its down to her new found acceptance of her flatulent condition. She said that part of her problem was that the more she fought her condition the more depressed she became. Now, because of her new found acceptance, she can let off without batting an eyelid.

Dream

I had a strange dream about about a snake last night. Anyone know what it means?

I had bought something from ebay and what came out of the box was this snake that was sort of coated in something like it had hatched (this was not an important part of the dream) and it turned out to be this taipan type snake that started moving around my parents kitchen like those snake charmer type snakes ie upright. I went away to get something to kill it and chose a little broom with wood at the end with an idea to stamp down on its head an kill it. After returning I couldnt kill it. It kept getting away. My dog (pet dog from childhood) was sitting on the mat and the taipan went near my dog (who didnt take much interest in the snake though this wasnt important part of the dream) but didn't do anything. After a while after giving up trying to kill the snake I sat down on the steps leading up to to the top floor of my parents house and the snake came towards me and I let the snake rest on me. Then I awoke.